Today is Valentine’s Day. You would think that with my love of shopping and buying cute stuff that this holiday would be right up my alley. Not so. I find Valentine’s Day to typically be just one big disappointment. This is because I frankly suck at relationships and affairs of the heart. I share the majority of the blame for this. But I am not alone. There are others who have been instrumental in my relationship problems. In fact, there is one person in particular I blame. Walt Disney. Yes. That is right. I blame all things Disney for my absolutely unrealistic expectations when it comes to men and love.
My best friend once asked me if we could bring a class action suit against Disney. I have given it a lot of thought. I think there are grounds for it. There are certainly negligent misrepresentation claims. I think there are arguably claims for Negligence, Fraud, and maybe Breach of Implied Covenants or Warranties. The damages include emotional distress, pain and suffering, and lost wages (in the form of time spent daydreaming or unable to get out of bed from being dumped). I think it may be a stretch to argue that Disney has breached a fiduciary duty but maybe it could be argued. We do rely Disney, don’t we?
Disney teaches young girls that they should all want to be princesses or mermaids. After all, if you aren’t a beautiful princess or mermaid your only other option is evil witch, or ugly step-sister. Disney teaches us that some handsome man with a horse will show up in our hour of need and make our lives better. Disney teaches us that mice are actually our friends. That if you don’t talk at all it increases your chances of said handsome man with horse finding you absolutely irresistible. That if you meet said perfect guy at the ball, he will actually call you the next day. Not just call you, but track you down with your favorite, lost shoe. I do love the part about it all coming down to Cinderella’s shoes though. Those glass slippers are pretty cute.
I was thinking about my Disney class action suit today while I was working on a discovery plan. It occurred to me that maybe, instead of unrealistic expectations and sparkling dresses, relationships need early case conferences. You see, under Nevada law, when litigation is commenced, the parties are required to meet very early on to discuss the case. They talk about their witnesses, their documents, what discovery is needed, how long they anticipate the litigation will take, if they will need the help of expert witnesses. The potential range of damages is discussed. The parties sit down together and literally map a plan of how they will get this case to trial. It’s a road map for the course of the litigation.
I think I would benefit from this kind of planning when it comes to relationships. I mean, lets face it. I’m no Cinderella. My Snow White days are over. I’ve had my heart broken enough to know that I am under no illusions that you just see someone, fall in love, see fireworks, and hear harps and singing animals with sweet little voices. I also have no hope that Prince Charming will even remember to call the next day, much less bring back my favorite shoe that I may have left at his place. I have no illusions of happily ever after in a castle. In fact it is those ideas that have led to a lot of my problems. A more practical approach, a more business like approach, is necessary and appropriate.
Relationships need discovery plans. From here on out I think that before I even consider dating Prince Charming, he and I are going to need to have an early conference and make some initial disclosures. Basic documents should be exchanged. Signed and file stamped copies of divorce decrees and marital property settlements are a must. Prince Charming’s last 5 years of tax returns should be mandatory. Addresses for every castle he has lived in for the last 10 years and whether he rented or owned. I would also want to know the make and model of his current horse, how many miles are on it and if any other horses have been repossessed.
Prince Charming and I will also have a detailed discovery plan. That way I will know up front what I am in for. Will I need an expert in the form of a substance abuse counselor or couple’s therapist? How will we resolve disputes when they arise? What expectations are being put on me? Am I expected to attend every royal ball even if I have a sick kid? Am I expected to always wear those gowns and if so, who is paying for the yoga classes? Does Prince Charming even like pet mice and birds? Is he allergic to them? Does he expect to give up his thrown and ask me to support him because life as a prince just does not fulfill him? All this information would be useful before you hop in that pumpkin and head off to the ball…don’t you think?
So I am not giving up on love. But I am giving up on Disney love. From here on out I will act like the intelligent woman I am even when faced with the daunting task of being rational and reasonable when Prince Charming shows up and smiles that perfect smile.
Disney teaches young girls that they should all want to be princesses or mermaids. After all, if you aren’t a beautiful princess or mermaid your only other option is evil witch, or ugly step-sister. Disney teaches us that some handsome man with a horse will show up in our hour of need and make our lives better. Disney teaches us that mice are actually our friends. That if you don’t talk at all it increases your chances of said handsome man with horse finding you absolutely irresistible. That if you meet said perfect guy at the ball, he will actually call you the next day. Not just call you, but track you down with your favorite, lost shoe. I do love the part about it all coming down to Cinderella’s shoes though. Those glass slippers are pretty cute.
I was thinking about my Disney class action suit today while I was working on a discovery plan. It occurred to me that maybe, instead of unrealistic expectations and sparkling dresses, relationships need early case conferences. You see, under Nevada law, when litigation is commenced, the parties are required to meet very early on to discuss the case. They talk about their witnesses, their documents, what discovery is needed, how long they anticipate the litigation will take, if they will need the help of expert witnesses. The potential range of damages is discussed. The parties sit down together and literally map a plan of how they will get this case to trial. It’s a road map for the course of the litigation.
I think I would benefit from this kind of planning when it comes to relationships. I mean, lets face it. I’m no Cinderella. My Snow White days are over. I’ve had my heart broken enough to know that I am under no illusions that you just see someone, fall in love, see fireworks, and hear harps and singing animals with sweet little voices. I also have no hope that Prince Charming will even remember to call the next day, much less bring back my favorite shoe that I may have left at his place. I have no illusions of happily ever after in a castle. In fact it is those ideas that have led to a lot of my problems. A more practical approach, a more business like approach, is necessary and appropriate.
Relationships need discovery plans. From here on out I think that before I even consider dating Prince Charming, he and I are going to need to have an early conference and make some initial disclosures. Basic documents should be exchanged. Signed and file stamped copies of divorce decrees and marital property settlements are a must. Prince Charming’s last 5 years of tax returns should be mandatory. Addresses for every castle he has lived in for the last 10 years and whether he rented or owned. I would also want to know the make and model of his current horse, how many miles are on it and if any other horses have been repossessed.
Prince Charming and I will also have a detailed discovery plan. That way I will know up front what I am in for. Will I need an expert in the form of a substance abuse counselor or couple’s therapist? How will we resolve disputes when they arise? What expectations are being put on me? Am I expected to attend every royal ball even if I have a sick kid? Am I expected to always wear those gowns and if so, who is paying for the yoga classes? Does Prince Charming even like pet mice and birds? Is he allergic to them? Does he expect to give up his thrown and ask me to support him because life as a prince just does not fulfill him? All this information would be useful before you hop in that pumpkin and head off to the ball…don’t you think?
So I am not giving up on love. But I am giving up on Disney love. From here on out I will act like the intelligent woman I am even when faced with the daunting task of being rational and reasonable when Prince Charming shows up and smiles that perfect smile.
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